Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
