how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
