You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
