my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
