i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dignity is for republicans.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
