i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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