tell your sister to shave her snatch
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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