I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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