I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
