I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
