I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
