i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
