jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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