I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
