She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
