Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
pop tarts are not kleenex
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
