I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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