Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
