one two three fourrrrnication!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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