ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
