I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I want her autograph on my taint
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
