I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
