I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
