I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
