The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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