Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
