You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
