Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
