Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
