I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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