What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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