the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
