he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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