Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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