He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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