so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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