NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
