So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
