I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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