All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
