If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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