You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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