Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
