I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
