We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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