i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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