At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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