How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
