Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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