i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
