He kissed a someone with a penis
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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