He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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