id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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