She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
